


Crush #69

by Hunter_Hikari



Category: Splatoon
Genre: 4 says the fuck word a lot, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, POV Bisexual Character, if youve never seen the word fuck before you have now, thats why its rated teen and up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-18 03:17:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18241298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hunter_Hikari/pseuds/Hunter_Hikari
Summary: Idiots.Both of them.





	1. Chapter 1

I know this feeling.

 

Please. Please no. Please. GOD NO.

 

Why? Why is this happening again?   
  


No, I- I can’t do this. Not again. Why? Why why WHY?

  
  
  


“4. 4! You in there?”

 

“Wh… whuh?”

 

Those golden eyes. I know them all too well, for how often I end up lost in them.

 

God. Listen to me. I sound all poetic and shit. Gross.

 

“You okay? You spaced out on me there.”

 

“Huh? … Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

 

She gave me a sorta concerned look, but she shrugged it off.

 

“What’s up with you lately? You feel alright?”

 

“Yeah, Cal’s right. Why don’t you take the day off? Being lazy usually makes me feel better.”

 

I hesitated before giving her an answer.

 

“I… yeah. I think I’ll take you up on that.”

 

“Aight. Go get some rest.”

 

“See ya tomorrow, Agent 4!”

 

I sighed and walked toward the grate.

 

“Hey, 4?”

 

Oh god.

 

“Tomorrow morning. Text me. Okay?”

 

… what?

 

“I’m worried about ya, kid.”

 

Oh god. No no no no. We’re not going to let this happen. I can’t do it. I can’t do this.

 

“... Okay.”

 

_ Fuck. _

  
  
  


I opened my eyes to sunlight peeking through the blinds. I turned over and picked up my phone. 5:06 AM. Guess I passed out as soon as I got home. Oh well.

 

I did the normal morning stuff. Staring at myself in the mirror with mild disgust, shower, clothes, breakfast while mindlessly browsing through Reddit Snapper and not really “watching” TV so much as using it for noise. But I couldn’t take my mind off of her no matter how hard I tried. I turned off the TV when she showed up in a commercial.

 

God. Of all the hopeless crushes I’ve had, an international icon has gotta be one of the worst.

 

I like the way she makes me feel. She isn’t like any of the others. She’s nice to me. She’s not a total douchebag like Guys #12, #34, #45, #23, and the most recent, #68.

 

Wait.   
  
She’s Crush #69.

 

Okay, that cheered me up slightly.

 

“TRANS RIGHTS. ARE HUMAN RIGHTS. HUH. D. K. TRANS. RIGHTS. D. K. DONKEY KONG IS TRANS.”

 

Oh. Phone’s ringing.

 

  
“Meahoy, memoyay? Meyoyyoy, ladyonmamoy!”

 

“Hoy hoy minoy.”

 

“Oh! M-Marie.”

 

“Yep. What’s up?”

 

“Not much.”

 

I was happy to hear her voice. It’s a really calming voice, something I didn’t expect from a pop star. But it still made my hearts practically jump out of my chest, out the window, and onto the street screaming.

 

“Just wanna make sure you’re doin’ all right.”

 

Have I really been worrying them this much?

 

“I was just about to head out, actually.”

 

No I wasn’t. But I guess I am now.

 

“Cool, cool. … Say. You wanna go get lunch with me today? My treat.”

  
  
  


No no no no no. It’s happening again. My hearts are beating faster. I’m sweating and shaking and speechless.

 

“Yeah, okay. Where at?”

 

“The little place next to Deca Tower.”

 

“You sure you won’t get mobbed by fans?”

 

“Nah. The guys there know to keep it on the down-low.”

 

“Okay!”

 

_ FUCK. _

 

“Cool. See you there.”

 

“See ya.”   
  
  


 

Well, shit.

 

Guess I should explain what’s up with the extreme panic when she talks.

 

I’ve got a crush on her.   
  


I know. Really. On a world-famous idol. I know I’m hopeless.  Have been my entire life.

 

I could list off every crush I’ve had before and specifically how they’ve jilted me. Names, numbers, house addresses, how and why I ruined everything.

 

A few examples include:

 

Crush #4, Jacob Shoalsand. Turned me down because he had football practice. Tried to reschedule. He never called me back.

 

Crush #15, Anthony Taylor. Everyone called him Anchovy. He smelled pretty similar.

 

Crush #46, Alice  Kwon. She was straight.

 

It’s not like I keep documentation. It’s just that my failures stay in my mind forever. But i can’t stop myself. I fall in love so easily. You could say I’m a hopeless romantic. And I agree with the hopeless part.

 

Well. Nothing I can really do but hope I don’t screw this up too bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Finding clothes suitable for leaving the apartment in was more of a challenge than I expected. But I managed to put something reasonable together. My King Flip. Obviously. Annaki Drive shirt and some red sneakers I found lying around. Good enough.

 

I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked… more presentable than usual? But I noticed I’d put on another couple pounds. I decided to walk to the square.

 

I poked my head around the side of the tower and saw her. There she was. In a green hoodie and a cap, with a skirt and knee high socks. God dammit, she's pretty even when she's casual.

 

“Hey.”

 

“H-hey.”

 

She pats me on the head.

 

“Nice outfit.”

 

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUCK  _ FUCK. _

 

“Thanks. You too.”

 

She smiles.

 

HER SMIIIILE. GOD, JUST PUNCH ME IN THE TIT.

  
  


“Order whatever you like.”

 

Wow. Muffins, scones, cookies, coffee cakes, bagels, sandwiches, fresh fruit… Kinda surprising this place doesn’t get more visitors. But to be fair, as a species, we eat trash most of the time. I just get a milkshake.

 

The jellyfish running the place know Marie. Like, personally.

 

“You come here often?”

 

“Yep. Nice and quiet.”  She takes a sip of her coffee.

 

I bite the straw of my shake and look around. It really is a peaceful kind of place. Only other people here are the employees and some guy with wack hair. He looks vaguely familiar.

 

“Spyke? Yeah, he’s always here.”

 

Spyke! That’s it!

 

“Didn’t he make, like, 10 million sitting in an alley?”

 

“Yep. And no more loyal customer than our own Agent 3.”

 

That would explain why all her gear is perfect.

 

Marie swirls her stirrer around in her cup and glances out the window before focusing her gaze on me.

 

“You know, you’re always hanging out with me and Callie. What do you do on your off time?”

 

Well, honestly, I’ve been losing a lot of energy recently. After I recently surrendered my entire supply of Super Sea Snails to Murch only to come up with a bag full of ability chunks I don’t want, I’ve sorta lost the drive to do Turf. I’m worried that my years are going to catch up to me way too young because of the awful way I’ve been treating myself and my body.

 

“Hang out at home mostly.”

 

She looks at me with mild interest. Shit.

 

I just shrug.

 

 

“It’s nice to have some free time for once. Take a breath once in a while. My life’s been nothing but hectic, really.”

 

“Yeah, I can imagine.”

 

“Honestly, though? I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s tough, but it’s great.”

 

“I guess there are problems only a pop star can have.”

 

“Honestly, I’m kinda relieved that you didn’t know me already. Everyone knows the snarky, sassy, cold Marie. It’s a welcome change of pace to finally have someone be able to just… talk to me like a person.”

 

“Wow… really?”

 

“Yeah. Like, not gonna lie… you’re pretty tight, 4.”

 

Didja hear that? That was the sound of every single one of my organs temporarily stopping dead in their tracks.

 

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask. I call you 4 on business or whatever, but… you do have an actual name, right?”

 

“Yeah… Ydelin.”

 

“Ydelin. That’s… a pretty name.”

 

“Most people just call me some variation of ‘Shorty’, though. I’ve heard em all. Shortstack, Bite-sized, Tater Tot, Shortstuff, Firecracker, Shrimpy, Anklebiter, Pipsqueak, Midge, Reese’s Pieces… seriously, I could go on all day.”

 

“I would’ve gone for Munchkin.”

 

“... I can’t even be mad, that’s the best one I’ve ever heard.”

 

“Munchkin. ‘Cause you’re small, you munch, and you’re cute.”

 

Hahahah- wait, what.

 

“I’m… I’m cute?”

 

She reaches over and boops my nose.

 

“Yep. A little cute patoot.”

 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my C O D.

 

She stifles a laugh.

 

“Dude, your face is redder than an Octoling’s tentacles. I didn’t think I was that good at flirting.”

 

I think I’m gonna die. My last wish is a Viking funeral, and make sure the boat is VERY on fire. Much like my face.

 

“Uh… you okay?”

 

I try desperately to stop my voice from cracking.

 

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

 

“Has nobody ever told you you’re cute before?”

 

“Nope. When they’re not calling me short, people usually point out that I’m overweight.”

 

“Ouch.”

 

“I’ve long since tuned it all out.”

 

“I kinda get how that is. When I was little, everyone thought I was a dude.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yep. It was weird. One time Callie stabbed a kid with a pencil for it.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds like her.”

 

“Y’know… I don’t really care what you look like or whatever. You’re rad as hell regardless.”

 

I- I think I’m crying.

 

“Th-thanks… that… it means a lot.”

 

“Gimme a list of everyone who’s wronged you. Cal and I will go and smack them with frozen spoons.”

 

“... A list, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:3c


	3. Chapter 3

How'd I end up with one of the most famous idols in the entire world in my apartment? … Ah, well. Now's not the time to contemplate my questionable life choices. I fish my key out of my pocket and open the door. I go in first, scrambling to pick up the trash I left on the floor.

 

"Welcome to hell, make yourself at home."

 

She looks around with a sorta curious expression on her face. Not judgmental, just inquisitive.

 

"Nice place."

 

We both walked out to the balcony, looking over the houses surrounding my building with a distant view of the square.

 

"Pretty neat how you can see Deca Tower from your house."

 

"Isn't it? I usually jump from here too."

 

"That would explain why the chairs are knocked over."

 

"Oh. Whoops."

  
  
  


We both sat in silence for a while.

 

"About the list. I was kinda kidding."

 

"Oh, no, don't worry. I know."

 

"Really though. If anyone picks on you, I'll sort them out."

 

"Thanks, I appreciate it. The list I was thinking of… Not all of them really wronged me."

 

"Sounds like a story. Do tell."

 

"I-it's dumb…"

 

"I have a scar from a bug net. Whatever it is, it can't possibly be dumber than that."

 

"Fair point. Just… promise not to laugh?"

 

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a Charger in my eye."

  
  
  


"... My heart's a fickle beast. Ever since I learned how to love, I've fallen for people left and right. But no matter who it is, or what I do, or how hard I try, it never works out. Some of them were friends, and we just stayed that way. But those were my lucky ones. A few of them never even knew, 'cause I couldn't work up the courage to tell 'em. Plenty of them rejected me outright for one reason or another. They were already taken, they didn't like me that way, I was notorious for getting into fights, I was fat and unattractive, et cetera."

 

"Wait wait wait. You were notorious for getting into fights?"

 

"Oh, yeah, absolutely. A lot of kids picked on me for being short and chubby. But I was the perfect height for kicking them in the shins."

 

"Wow."

 

"Anyway… I've had so many crushes and so many crushing failures that they've stuck in my mind forever. Name any random number, I could tell you exactly how it went down."

 

A smile crept across her face.

 

"69."

 

How did I know she was going to say that?

 

Wait.

 

Oh no.

 

"Surprisingly, that one still has yet to go up in flames."

 

"42?"

 

"Ah, good old Mabel Wright. Sweet girl. I was her friend all through her boy-crazy phase."

 

"Ohhhhhh.  _ Ouch. _ "

 

"I've had 16 crushes on straight girls and 3 on gay guys."

 

She reaches over and puts a hand on my shoulder in sympathy.

 

"Y'know… I think it's sweet that you fall in love like that, and that all of the failures haven't discouraged you."

 

"Oh, no, they're very discouraging. But I can't help falling for people. All of my past mistakes have taught me that if it doesn't go away in a week, I should panic."

 

"Honey. Are you okay?"

 

I look her dead in the eye with a fragile smile.

 

"Not in the slightest."

 

She looks at me with genuine concern in her eyes. I've never seen her this worried, not even when Callie was missing. She spreads her arms out.

 

"Bring it in."

 

I couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed into her arms and started crying like a little baby. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. I just needed someone, anyone. And she was there for me.

  
  
  


"S-sorry about that…"

 

"Hey, no worries. Everybody needs to cry sometimes."

 

I rubbed my eyes with my sleeve and choked out a bitter, pained laugh.

 

"God, I'm pitiful."

 

"No you aren't. You're stronger than you realize. If it was me, I would've given up on love and life a long time ago. But you keep going. You keep giving every day your best shot. I think that's admirable. Plus, let's not forget your work with us. You saved my best friend, and the power supply of all of Inkopolis. I think you're pretty damn incredible."

 

"Marie…"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Thank you. You… don't know how much that means to me."

 

"I might have some idea."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I'm #69, aren't I?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo jemimah thats a spicy meataball  
> i am so fucking tired


	4. Chapter 4

"Busted. Yep. Ding ding ding."

 

"Yeah, somehow I guessed."

  
  


This was it. If I ever got this far with anyone, this was the part where they shot me down. Their rejections played in my head, with a fuzz surrounding them as if they were on a VHS tape.

 

"I don't know what you're on to think you'd have a chance with anyone. You're delusional."

 

"Yeah, sorry, but… ew. No."

 

"... Wait, you're not kidding?"

 

"Sorry, it's just… not like that."

 

"GOD, no."

  
  
  
  


Marie's voice broke my delusions.

 

"That's… honestly kinda adorable."

 

"It… it is?"

 

"Yeah."

 

She looked like she was thinking. Still nervous as a clownfish in a field of sea urchins, I watched her, fiddling with my thumbs under the table.

 

"If we're dumping all our ugliest, deepest-held secrets on the table, anything else you wanna get off your chest?"

 

Huh.

 

"Uhh… Nah, I'm good. At least for now."

 

Hey, wait a sec.

 

"You said 'our' secrets. Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

 

"Yeah, kinda."

 

I leaned forward and rested my head in my arms on the table. I looked up at her, and saw an expression I'd never seen on her face before. Uncertainty? Fear?

 

"I mean… ugh. I've never told anyone this before. It's weird."

 

"Go ahead."

 

"Well...I wasn't always a Squid Sister."

 

"But I saw that picture. That is you, right? With the trophy?"

 

"Yep. First time with makeup in public. Passed well enough."

 

… wait. 

 

Is she saying what I think she is?

 

"You're…"

 

"Trans, yeah."

 

"Wow."

 

"That was my first public appearance with makeup, but Cal and I had been practicing for a long time. And we both did vocal training until we were 16. Like, mostly for our career, though. And that's how I achieved this. But I can't naturally hit the same notes she can. As a kid, I always kinda looked up to her. She got everything I wanted, and she helped me get it too. A pretty and feminine voice, a face to match, a wardrobe of dresses, big long eyelashes just like her, a figure as nice as all the ladies on TV when I grew up… I'd say I got that. Obviously, I do my own makeup and stuff now, but she helped me so much. I tied her tentacles for her for like 10 years and we called it even."

 

"... wow."

 

"It was tough sometimes. But now I'm in pretty good nick. I've been on HRT for… like, a year?"

 

"That's… incredible."

 

"Thanks. I looked kinda girly anyway, so I had it a lot easier than a lot of people. I donate to Mermaids Inkopolis when the tax returns come around."

 

"Mermaids Inkopolis! I watched their stream!"

 

I got up lightning fast and skidded into the kitchen, grabbing the landline and dialing my own number.

 

“TRANS RIGHTS. ARE HUMAN RIGHTS. HUH. D. K. TRANS. RIGHTS. D. K. DONKEY KONG IS TRANS.”

 

Marie burst out laughing and banged her fist on the table.   
  
"FUCKING INCREDIBLE."

 

"Ain't it?"

 

I came back to the table with a grin on my face.

 

"So I take it you're cool with it?"

 

"Yeah, totally! What matters is that you're happy."

 

"... This might actually work out, then."

 

"What might?"

 

"Y'know. Us."

 

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god ohhhh my G O D.

 

"L-like… a couple?"

 

"4, I know you're criminally dense, but follow me here. You like me. I like you. We like each other. Therefore, we could be dating."

 

"I'm just making sure. Nobody- Nobody's ever…  _ wanted  _ to date me."

 

"Till now."

 

I pinch myself on the arm. OW. Okay, yeah, no, not a dream.

 

"You know, if you don't want to, it's fine."

 

"N-no, I'm just… processing everything."

 

I put a hand on my chest and take a deep breath.

 

"If it makes you feel any better, I've never dated anyone either. And… I promise I'm going to treat you right. No more pain. I want you to feel like being in love is a good thing again."

 

"Marie… Thank you. That means a lot to me."

 

She gives me a pat on the back and a smile.

 

"I think what you need is a little therapy. Shopping therapy. And good food. Oh, and we have to tell Callie too, of course. She'll be bouncin' off the wall."

 

"We just had food."

 

"... Yeah. I know."

 

"... I could eat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM DONE  
> IM FREEEEEEHEEHEEEHEEEEEEEH  
> I AM  
> SO GLAD ITS DONE  
> yes there is a sequel coming eventually because i just love these stupid dummies so much  
> but i think im gonna alternate between 24 and m4rie

**Author's Note:**

> \this might get depressing dont say i didnt warn ya
> 
> a sequel for the metro's cure is in progress!!!  
> but i needed some idiots pining okay


End file.
